k me" to feel how many centimeters I’d dilated. He helped us make many decisions; he listened carefully to our concerns. He was the only doctor who made it clear he genuinely cared whether I was tired, or hungry, or in pain.

Most of the doctors and nurses had be

My first and only child, Jonah, was born by Caesarean section after an exhausting 56-hour labor and three hours of futile pushing. There were times when I was scared as hell; during labor in an average hospital, nurses and doctors have only so much time to answer questions and virtually no time to hold your hand, much less talk you down from the occasional freakout.

Well-meaning moms (and other relatives) can bring worried or controlling energies into the labor experience. And your partner is only as helpful a “birthing coach” as his/her own personal experience with birthing – which almost always means none at all. Yes, my husband Andy was with me every minute and I cherished his presence. But he didn’t know what I was really feeling – how could he? -- so naturally he was as anxious as me.

Our family doctor, Jacob Reider, was also with us, albeit intermittently. Unlike the other doctors who’d examined me, though, he found time to sit down with my family in the waiting room and explain what was happening and why. He was gentle when he had to "check me" to feel how many centimeters I’d dilated. He helped us make many decisions; he listened carefully to our concerns. He was the only doctor who made it clear he genuinely cared whether I was tired, or hungry, or in pain.

Most of the doctors and nurses had bee

tions and virtually no time to hold your hand, much less talk you down from the occasional freakout.

Well-meaning moms (and other relatives) can bring worried or controlling energies into the labor experience. And your partner is only as helpful a “birthing coach” as his/her own personal experience with birthing – which almost always means none at all. Yes, my husband Andy was with me every minute and I cherished his presence. But he didn’t know what I was really feeling – how could he? -- so naturally he was as anxious as me.

Our family doctor, Jacob Reider, was also with us, albeit intermittently. Unlike the other doctors who’d examined me, though, he found time to sit down with my family in the waiting room and explain what was happening and why. He was gentle when he had to "check me" to feel how many centimeters I’d dilated. He helped us make many decisions; he listened carefully to our concerns. He was the only doctor who made it clear he genuinely cared whether I was tired, or hungry, or in pain.

Most of the doctors and nurses had be

” as his/her own personal experience with birthing – which almost always means none at all. Yes, my husband Andy was with me every minute and I cherished his presence. But he didn’t know what I was really feeling – how could he? -- so naturally he was as anxious as me.

Our family doctor, Jacob Reider, was also with us, albeit intermittently. Unlike the other doctors who’d examined me, though, he found time to sit down with my family in the waiting room and explain what was happening and why. He was gentle when he had to "check me" to feel how many centimeters I’d dilated. He helped us make many decisions; he listened carefully to our concerns. He was the only doctor who made it clear he genuinely cared whether I was tired, or hungry, or in pain.

Most of the doctors and nurses had be

.

Our family doctor, Jacob Reider, was also with us, albeit intermittently. Unlike the other doctors who’d examined me, though, he found time to sit down with my family in the waiting room and explain what was happening and why. He was gentle when he had to "check me" to feel how many centimeters I’d dilated. He helped us make many decisions; he listened carefully to our concerns. He was the only doctor who made it clear he genuinely cared whether I was tired, or hungry, or in pain.

Most of the doctors and nurses had be

k me" to feel how many centimeters I’d dilated. He helped us make many decisions; he listened carefully to our concerns. He was the only doctor who made it clear he genuinely cared whether I was tired, or hungry, or in pain.

Most of the doctors and nurses had been kind, but cursory; they rushed and hurried through both procedure and explanation. A few made me feel like a standard barnyard cow giving birth for the umpteenth time – an interesting happening, perhaps, but not of any particular concern. None but Dr. Reider seemed to quite break through the “this is just another day on the job” mentality.

When we made the decision to go to a Caesarean section, I was devastated. Not because I wanted to give birth naturally (though I did), and not because I was afraid of being awake during an operation (which I was), but because Dr. Reider didn’t perform Caesarean surgeries.

That meant I'd be under some anonymous doctor’s knife...surely an excellent physician, but random all the same. So I tearfully said goodbye to Dr. Reider (though I wish now I’d begged him to come in with me, if only just to stand there) and was wheeled into the operating room. Of course they let Andy come with me, and through my increasingly-drugged state, I focused gratefully on his hazel, new-father eyes meeting mine.

The lights were