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  • Member You - There Is No Drug For 'Loss Of Function' - Part I

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    pain arrives in the form of back spasms, leg cramps, pinched nerves in my neck and constipation of my bowels. Driving a car, even short walks are impossible in the recovery period. The pain doc repeatedly warns me against this behavior, but I ignore him. I've tried to explain tha
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    Last Tuesday I hurt myself again, badly. I push myself beyond the limits that pain receptors fire within my brain, past yellow warning lights, ripping through red lights, finally smashing through the "Bridge Out" road block, in hope to give myself a hearty, healthy cardio-vascular workout. I measure my performance on a personal "speedometer": my heart rate. If after 9 minutes on a reclining stationary bike I'm above 140 beats a minute, I gun the last minute in hope that I'll set a new personal best record, perhaps burning 125 calories over the previous ten minutes. HOORAH! It hurts like hell. Know that, but so what, I'll have set a new personal best; I shatter old records but at a high cost: 3 days in bed.

    This truly idiotic destruction of my previous records doesn't accelerate my recovery. Just the opposite, it sets me back. It slows my recovery, robs me of sleep delivering a bill payable in pain. It slows my walking. It causes me to lean heavily upon my cane (and breakthrough narcotics) so that I mumble, tumble, wobble, drool, and fall over. Side effects from the narcotics dampen my memory. New pain arrives in the form of back spasms, leg cramps, pinched nerves in my neck and constipation of my bowels. Driving a car, even short walks are impossible in the recovery period. The pain doc repeatedly warns me against this behavior, but I ignore him. I've tried to explain that

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    workout. I measure my performance on a personal "speedometer": my heart rate. If after 9 minutes on a reclining stationary bike I'm above 140 beats a minute, I gun the last minute in hope that I'll set a new personal best record, perhaps burning 125 calories over the previous ten minutes. HOORAH! It hurts like hell. Know that, but so what, I'll have set a new personal best; I shatter old records but at a high cost: 3 days in bed.

    This truly idiotic destruction of my previous records doesn't accelerate my recovery. Just the opposite, it sets me back. It slows my recovery, robs me of sleep delivering a bill payable in pain. It slows my walking. It causes me to lean heavily upon my cane (and breakthrough narcotics) so that I mumble, tumble, wobble, drool, and fall over. Side effects from the narcotics dampen my memory. New pain arrives in the form of back spasms, leg cramps, pinched nerves in my neck and constipation of my bowels. Driving a car, even short walks are impossible in the recovery period. The pain doc repeatedly warns me against this behavior, but I ignore him. I've tried to explain tha

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    minutes. HOORAH! It hurts like hell. Know that, but so what, I'll have set a new personal best; I shatter old records but at a high cost: 3 days in bed.

    This truly idiotic destruction of my previous records doesn't accelerate my recovery. Just the opposite, it sets me back. It slows my recovery, robs me of sleep delivering a bill payable in pain. It slows my walking. It causes me to lean heavily upon my cane (and breakthrough narcotics) so that I mumble, tumble, wobble, drool, and fall over. Side effects from the narcotics dampen my memory. New pain arrives in the form of back spasms, leg cramps, pinched nerves in my neck and constipation of my bowels. Driving a car, even short walks are impossible in the recovery period. The pain doc repeatedly warns me against this behavior, but I ignore him. I've tried to explain tha

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    . It slows my recovery, robs me of sleep delivering a bill payable in pain. It slows my walking. It causes me to lean heavily upon my cane (and breakthrough narcotics) so that I mumble, tumble, wobble, drool, and fall over. Side effects from the narcotics dampen my memory. New pain arrives in the form of back spasms, leg cramps, pinched nerves in my neck and constipation of my bowels. Driving a car, even short walks are impossible in the recovery period. The pain doc repeatedly warns me against this behavior, but I ignore him. I've tried to explain tha
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    pain arrives in the form of back spasms, leg cramps, pinched nerves in my neck and constipation of my bowels. Driving a car, even short walks are impossible in the recovery period. The pain doc repeatedly warns me against this behavior, but I ignore him. I've tried to explain that this is not something I do, it's who I am.

    A Gordian knot of trouble. I'm not a masochist. I hate pain. So, why do it?

    My shrink set me straight on this point. I was right, this is who I am. The key, the solution is for me to accept one simple fact, to unwind the knot with which I've lived my entire life...

    I HATE PAIN BUT WILL ENDURE IT AT ALL LEVELS UNTIL MY BODY REFUSES TO GO ON. I REACH POINTS OF COLLAPSE, ALMOST LIKE SHOCK, WHEN MY BODILY SYSTEMS SHUT DOWN. BUT I GO THIS FAR IF THERE IS A REWARD FOR ME: A NEW PERSONAL "BEST" THAT I WEAR AS IF IT WERE A MEDAL AWARDED FOR HEROISM.

    I will pay a price for a reward. I will, and have, pushed through to physical breakdown if the prize is something I value enough. I am the rat in a Skinner Box.

    The Pain Scale doesn't work for me. I mentioned this in an early post where I described a conversation with my pain doctor when I asked him to explain if "10" was dead, or just shocked or knocked into unconsciousness. He said "10" is the worst pain you've ever felt. I told him I wasn't awake for that. The conversation was like a chat b

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